learning to be where he has me.

3 cheers to new seasons in life. i started to write out monotonous details in my life that i didnt care about. that i would never want to read again. so i erased everything and started over. sometimes, that is an excellent metaphor for life.

here is what i know.

i am a new creation. the Lord has restored a crazy work in my life. i laugh and mean it. i am happy, usually, and thats unusual. or it was. who knows now. 

i reflect a lot cause im a senior. thats what we do. sometimes at least. when i pray, all i ever come to is thanks. a year ago was so different from here. last year was the hardest year ive ever had. i lost a lot of things in my life. some of them have been returned, but only under careful stewardship. some of them are gone forever. for better or worse. every destructive habit ive ever had fleshed itself and ripped apart my life. 

one time, at the end of last year, hannah and i walked around the webb and sat at the ropes course. i told her i was sorry, because i wanted so badly to stop running and to land. i wanted to trust and accept love and grace. but i was hurting so much and so scared that i couldnt. i literally felt myself retreat and i couldnt stop, no matter how much i wanted to. she looked me in the eye and said, chelsea, we will be here waiting for when you land. and this year i did. i landed. and not only that, but i am free. i laugh a lot and sign out loud. sometimes i dance. and if the stars are aligned just right, sometimes i can run. i live from the whole of me, not just desperate pieces. i am still building with the Lord, reconstructing where there was deconstruction. it has been a long road, but a worthy walk. 

my friend candi is wise and funny. one time she said, "this season of life has torn me to shreds. but it will make a nice quilt". shes right. i am where the Lord has me. and there is freedom there too. the tearing and mending. there is growing and grafting, and it is where the Lord has me.


i talked to nikki rice earlier and asked what the Lord has been doing in her life. she told me a story about being crazy frazzled, and then she looked up from her spot in the coffee shop and saw a homeless man being a mime for her. he made her open her bible and wouldnt leave until it was open in front of her and it "happened" to open up to psalm 138, which is all about the humble and lowly revealing God. its my favorite story so far.

what a rambly first entry. 

there is a cover of sarah golden and hoja lopez covering somebody that i used to know. it is supreme. disclaimer. my love for that song is not in correlation with any relationship in my life. all of my relationships are awesome :)