this was my final weekend of volleyball, and the last of my college career. im still in absolute awe. unbelievably grateful.
my junior year held a fourth surgery, adding to the excessive scar tissue in my abdomen and hip. it held my final soccer game. it held some of the most intense wrestling that ive ever known. during my season, and later, my recovery process, i was plagued with confusion in Gods intentions. (havent we all been there?) why was i built with such athleticism if it was going to be taken away? i played everything in high school and excelled. in college, i played every position on the field, minus forward. so why take it away? why bother in the first place? if im honest, those questions still linger a little. but i finally let go. i was no longer an athlete and had too many limitations to even pretend that i was athletic anymore. my pain had continued to increase, despite my inactivity. it seemed that playing had curbed the pain a little, but it was still painful. i didnt understand. i took time to rest but still nothing helped. my body was wrecked, getting to the point where i couldnt sit in class, and would have to pull myself out for fear of crying. i met with every anatomy professor i could because there is no such thing as an abdominal specialist. after a long season of running "organic" tests, we narrowed down what my problem was and how to manage it. i tested what sports agitated my pain and what lessened it. soccer made it worse, volleyball made it better. so like any overly ambitious athlete, i played every opportunity i could. i eventually got a chance to help the gwu team as a scrimmage player. and i wasnt that bad. that is where this crazy season of life started. one girl quit, so i got the chance to play. and i did. i even started for some of the season. and its been amazing. my friends supported me, knowing my process, and sharing the privilege. my parents even got to see me play. first time in 6 years. i got close with new teammates, and supported old ones. i was loved so well and im so grateful. i was apart of a program that is continuing to move forward. and the coolest part of this redemptive second chance that i got in my college career is just that. it is unusual to play 2 sports in college, let alone such polar opposites. pretty athletic. pretty freaking grateful. a long twisting heart wrenching road. but i made it. i played my 4 years here, and ended it better than i couldve imagined. everything about my situation is an anomaly. totally unique, and unusual. and the part of my soul that recognizes grace knows that it is mine, and it is from the heart of God itself. a privilege. a second chance. explosive grace. it still blows my mind.
i didnt cry when the final point was scored. my body went into freak out mode so i couldnt even manage standing properly the first 2 matches. but i knew and i think coach knew that this would probably be it. half a tube of bio freeze, bunches of prayer, and last minute stretching put my pain at a manageable level, so i played for the last game. we did better than anyone expected. played the #1 team on their senior day, and were within 5 points in every game. left it all on the court and was proud of the effort across the board. we came back within 2 points, after being 10 points down. mind you, they were at 23. thats incredible. everyone laid out. and thats the end. we wont make our own tournament, but we'll be okay. perspectives will change, disappointments will fade. that is what happens in time and thats okay. i know cause ive seen it and done it. and everyone will grow, knowing that there is more to do.
im thankful. again. i got a second chance and i got to watch. i got to be apart of a team with girls who have hearts, stories and insane talent on the court. my parents got to say goodbye too, and in their own time. i cried a couple times, i played well when i could, and lost my voice on the bench. it is a privilege to be apart of a community. to be accepted, loved and appreciated. i was tired a lot, and close to broke too. but i can say with total confidence that it was totally worth it.
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