new seasons in life right?
i talked to candi tonight and like all of the other "closing season" conversations, it was reflective and thankful. we talked about how laughter is a thermometer for how someone is doing. because you can laugh with social cues, you can force it, or you can laugh because you mean it. and we talked about these quilts in life, where some edges are frayed and war torn, but how there was stitching and better seams, and still some soft spots. metaphors for life. it was cool cause there are some relationships that are so new, like less than a year, but they are deep in the best ways.
i was laughing with candi about life and how its funny and everyone should laugh. one time my friend amy and i went to a doctors office in charlotte. i had a hernia for like 8 months and no one knew what it was, so we went hoping for answers and instead the doctor wasnt there, and the one who filled in was a dbag. she basically told me i was imagining things. i was pretty let down and pretty sad, and she was being a good friend and encouraging me to look on the bright side. i turned down a street and looked up and saw that it said hope. we agreed that God was being good to me in sending me hope. and then the rest of the sign came out from behind the tree. it said little. and instead of being bitter or anything like that, we both started laughing. a lot. we probably laughed for like 10 minutes, and in that moment, i realized that whatever my crazy pain was, i would be okay. 2 weeks later i saw a doctor, and 2 weeks after that i had my surgery to repair it.
all that to say, laughter has a lot of grace crammed in its sound. that story is one of my favorites. ive told it a lot in the last few days, because God is intentional, friends are good, and laughter is the best. sarah laughed at God when he told abraham he'd have a kid. im very convinced that God laughs at us a lot too.
i walked around with my thinking friend again. he thinks deep and i love it. we drove around and didnt talk about much, but it was still good. hes smart and his brain fires so much faster than mine. but he thinks the world amounts to nothing and that we're all just serving our self created versions of life. hes really smart, and a lot of it makes sense, but a lot of it makes me sad for him. i dont think he knows what deep love is, i think he believes its all a bunch of garbage, and that the will to live is the right chemicals in your brain firing at the right time. existence. it makes me sad because i want him to know more than that. to know deep love, and how it satisfies. how it moves you to feel, despite your best efforts. i know a lot of it is just that he hurts really deeply and has closed himself off, from most things. maybe everything. so i want him to know healing. and deep soul moving love. because i think he wants to laugh free, but i dont know if he can right now. i dont know when he will, if ever. but i hope he does because i want that for him. who knows. better love ive seen.
also, it was a supermoon tonight and it was awesome. i drove to lake houser and sat in my car, and at some point, walked down on the docs to appreciate the moon. its me and the moon she says, and ive got no trouble with that. sometimes its nice to sit with those things by yourself and know that the lord is near. he is so near.
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