youll be loved youll be loved like you never have known

life is sweet to me, maybe always, but especially in this season.

final week of camp and everything is fast as hell, but we are so loved. colleen burroughs has been hangin with us and its awesome. it quickly became clear why everyone loves her. met with my coordinator for evaluations and it was good. camp isnt real life so its been funny as far as people asking to be "real life friends". we are foolish and funny and the Lord loves us still. in my meeting katy asked what areas i needed growth in. in honesty, i said with genuinely trusting. i am human and that is still hard in seasons. it is good to be reminded of warmth and honesty. laughter is good and i love it the most, but simple moments are powerful too. after talking to katy, i processed a little and called my fears by name. in typical God fashion, the next mornings devotion was about confession. the reminder of conviction made its home in my head, resting while i worked through the garden. the irony and humor of God has me laughing always. my roommate molly is 7 shades more girly than i will ever be, but it is with her and lily that i am closest. what is life if not for laughter? after worship and pathetic attempts to scrounge for food, molly and i decided to get something from sonic. conversations with molly are some of my faves. we started to roll up to school and decided to keep driving instead. sweet to my soul. we shared life and stories and fears. it was cool cause i didnt start the conversation and that felt nice for once. word vomits spilled out as our confessions were caught in the mini van. so beautiful. what shouldve been a 15 minute drive ended sometime around 1am. and if you know me, now is your cue to smile and laugh because you know thats my favorite sort of night.

for as bold as some of you seem to think i am, ive got a backpack with a few fears in it. a couple of em show up in friendships, and unfortunately, their roots are deep from years of growth and their ends are well hidden. the tools i have arent quite enough yet. fears that friends will hear of my life and abandon me. that i am unworthy. inescapable humanity. these are a couple of my demons and most days i dont have to deal with them because the Lord has given me grace and healing. but sometimes they return. last night/this morning was a good reminder that though they cling, they dont have to dictate my life. so molly and i waded through some of each others messes and it was good. to be known and near.

in my downtime at the airport i will write a million things that i learned this summer, but for now all i know is that it is well with my soul.

2 songs and food for thought.

"we are crooked souls trying to stand up
straight dry eyes in the pouring rain
the shadow proves the sunshine"

and

"hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger to be stronger hey ungraceful i will teach you to forgive one another hey unloving i will love you"

sweet to my soul, over and over again.