stick around.

it is well it is well it is well.

re-engaging the conversation. i am so thankful. literally surrounded by wisdom.

there is a song by david ramirez called stick around and ive listened to it recently.

Gonna hop on that train today
I got nowhere to go
No reason to stay

In four years I’ve traveled 160,000 miles
The wind keeps pulling me out
Maybe I go cause I’m chasing something
Maybe I go, cause something is chasing me
Maybe I leave, cause I have yet to find someone who will look me in the face

Saying, ‘Stick around, I want you next to me, so stick around
There ain’t  no reason for leaving, yeah the road’s been hard boy
But I’ll never bring you down, so come on, stick around…’ “ 

those are most of the lyrics. its the chorus that i love the most. the idea of moving, waiting for someone to ask you to stick around. i move too fast for my own good and bounce from place to place. change doesnt scare me, i love it. moving isnt hard. but sticking around.. that is challenging for me. or has been. or will be. whatever. i love it right now. i am sticking around. i am receiving when my friends ask me to stick around. i am investing and being invested in. i am loved well. i am thankful. this is home. this weird town in north carolina. its a safe place to sort thoughts, and know that you wont be attacked for verbalizing the things you wonder about. 

the songs ive listened to recently are great. acoustic, little bit a folk, and hella deep lyrics. just the way i like em. i am fascinated with the idea of remembering well, but still being present and engaged. God asks us to remember, to live in light of our own reality. light. its funny cause i appreciate the dark too. maybe even feel more comfortable there. i think if you have lived in the night, or still do, you learn to embrace a calm sense of self; maybe a deeper sense of thought. maybe i am liar. it happens. but i like that. i like weathering seasons. i like watching people grasp grace in those times. a good friend of mine is about to be 7 sorts of challenged at school. she is a wildly (ironically) different person than the last time she was at school. i am excited for her, because i know she is resilient and she will be okay. she is a survivor of many things, more than she knows. i have another friend who just ended a serious relationship. i talked to her tonight and literally heard nothing but grace through the receiver. she is wrestling and is the first to admit her wounds. but she chooses to live in light of the work that God is doing instead of giving credit to the devil. so many of the things we experience in life are a work of deep rooted grace, and we so quickly call them the work of the devil. i am hesitant to do that now. 

God is good to me. i am sticking around. i am resting at home, and laughing. i am living free. thinking too much as always, talking too much as well, but laughing just enough and walking with the Lord. sometimes the things i write can be interpreted as dark, but i see so much light in them. maybe that is the maturing process. to see light in the dark. to see both, and watch them grow. 

its too late for me to be awake, but i am thankful. i lie in my bed before i fall asleep and smile to the Lord and say thanks. i watch grace as a spectator and experience it as a human in a relationship with the creator and savior of the universe. i guess when i put it that way, there isnt much of a choice. i thank God when i pray because i dont know what else to do. thanks that little is in my control, thanks that i am healing/healed, thanks that i am learning and that i laugh, thanks that there are some things in my control, and for whatever reason jesus trusts me. thanks that i can see what is worth being thankful for.